She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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