His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
