If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
zippers are such a cool invention
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
