Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
