god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
