There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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