I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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