How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
