a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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