i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
