"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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