Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
