so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
