Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The adults are the big ones right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
