Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
