even my farts smell like vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
