it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
