My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have demons in me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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