dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
