Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
