I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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