I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
