Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
