do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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