Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
