take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
