Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
