he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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