Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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