I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
