Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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