Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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