I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
