My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
