I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
