nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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