i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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