you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think your dad took our porno
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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