You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
