I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
