Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
