im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
