sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
