I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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