I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
