I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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