He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
