I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
