I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
time to smoke my breakfast
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
