So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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