I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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