Can Purell be used as lube?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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