Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
