Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
