you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
