Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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