My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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