i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
