if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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