No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
