just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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