i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
