Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
