it's like iHOP with fire
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
