How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
