i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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