My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
