I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
