that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize