I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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