Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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