I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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