I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
