is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize