I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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