Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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